Intentions are not integrity?

I am going through something is not a valid excuse for not doing your best. It is not a valid excuse for letting people down, not being a person of integrity or any other reason you may want to use it.

Over the last few years I have heard that excuse so many times that it has made me insensitive. Who isn’t going through something? Everyone has their troubles, trials, set-backs and problems. The last few years were hard years for a lot of people for many different reasons. One of the biggest reasons was financial hardship. Many people who were use to paying their bills on time and having discretionary income suddenly had to budget, sacrifice and even suffer. Even with all the turmoil going on it shouldn’t keep you from performing with veracity.

I was one of those people who had to learn to sacrifice. Slowly but surely as the market sank my clients reacted; those changes affected my salary, which soon affected my lifestyle. I use to be able to through money at any problem I had or anyone around me had. After the shift I had to learn to sit down and figure out my problems. I also had to learn to say no sometimes. I was no longer able to fix everyone’s problems because I could barely afford to fix my own. So many things that I had never dealt with before were happening and I didn’t know what to do. My tenants decided to stop paying their rent and my property went into foreclosure. I tried very hard to get the mortgage modified and although I had helped several of my clients get modifications I myself could not get one.

My tenants were cold and mean and I assume they thought I was independently wealthy. Once I got those tenants out I got a new tenant who after 7 months decided she was not going to pay rent anymore either. She was worse than the first tenants because she changed the locks and chained my gates so that I could not get in. Meanwhile, while all of this was happening my grandmother died and I found out the guy I was dating was unfaithful.

I still had responsibilities and duties that needed my attention. I had to keep my reputation and hold myself accountable for my actions. It was hard and I wanted to roll up in a ball and go to sleep for 10 years until the trouble was over, but I could not. In my head I knew that I should not have purchased property if I could not afford it without the help of a tenant but in my heart I wanted it. The Financial Advisor in me knew right from wrong but the human being in me did not act on that logic.

We all bank on best case scenario like I did. We don’t plan for the worst so when it happens we are devastated. We do this in life year after year and we blame others for our misfortune. We have to stop doing this because this behavior will not get us to our peaceful, happy place. When the worst case scenario happens we are measured by how we manage during those times.

That brings me back to “I’m going through something right now.” How selfish and self-centered can you be to think that you are the only one going through something? And what thought have you given to how your actions affect someone else’s situation. Your negligence could cause them to go through something. Like my tenant who was going through something and didn’t pay the rent which caused me to tell the mortgage company that I was going through something and couldn’t pay the note. I have no idea what my actions caused Bank of America to go through. This is an example that we are all connected and that is why we have to do our best and pull it together even when we are going through something.

I am going through something is not enough to get you off the hook for your responsibilities or for you to give up. It doesn’t excuse you from following-up or following through and it certainly should not keep you from handling your business. We all need a little help sometimes and we won’t be on top of our game 100% of the time but we must do our best to keep our integrity.

If you are using this excuse, please stop. You are never allowed to cause someone else pain or to act with disregard. So do not ignore the person who is expecting you to show up. Do not pretend you don’t remember the tasks you are responsible for and do not crawl under a rock to try and disappear. Have pride in yourself. Own up to your responsibilities, keep fighting through it, be honest with yourself and others and do what you can with what you have left. If you give your all before you know it you will be back on top.

Trust me. I know because I’ve been there. When we all get back up we will have a big party at the top.

Starting Over…Now That’s Presidential!

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About Kiné Corder

Kine' Corder is a best selling author, speaker, and member of the Financial Therapy Association. Formerly a Morgan Stanley Financial Advisor and currently a Financial Therapist Kiné runs Presidential Lifestyle, a financial wellness company focused on wealth in all of it's forms. www.presidentiallifestyle.com View all posts by Kiné Corder

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