For as long as I could remember I have always said I do not understand marriage. I thought I could be someone’s life partner but marriage just seemed to be too heavy for any human to get right. There may be other women like me, but even being a life partner is more than being a friend.
Society has set in women’s heads that they are not successful or complete until they are someone’s wife. Most women have a burning desire to melt with someone and become one. If that is true what is all the talk about just being friends. I have heard men say it so many ways, a friend of mine, friends with benefit, cuddle buddies, we just sexing we are not going steady and my least favorite booty call. There is this gray area in relationships now that allows men to be casual and not feel pressured into a commitment. Men have fooled themselves into believing that these women are really okay with just being friends.
In most cases if a man says to a woman, “I am not looking for a relationshipn,” it is true. He really does not want to be held down by one woman; for whatever reason, he is keeping his options open. Whether he is opposed to serious relationships, just hasn’t found the right one, or he is just too hot and horny to settle down it doesn’t matter. If he is not ready he is just not ready.
On the other hand, in most cases when a woman says she is not ready for a relationship she might be saying what she thinks he wants to hear. There are times when a woman wants her freedom, but that is usually very temporary. In most cases, when she agrees to the “friend thing” that is game because men are more interested in women who don’t want them. Men are more interested in tying down a woman who says she doesn’t want to be held down. Women learn early in life that the girl that ignores the boy gets the most attention. That carries on through life and turns into the games they play to match the games that men play.
Men if a woman says to you let’s be friends…she either is not attracted to you, but thinks you are a good person and wants to keep you around for when the bad guys she usually dates break her heart. Or she is saying what she thinks you want to hear, so she can get close to you and force you into a relationship. There you go, now you know. If you have never heard it said before let me be the first to tell you that “women do not want to be friends they want to be wives.”
An old friend of mine, Comedian Melanie Commocho had a joke where she would remind the men she dated that “if you hit this three times, n*gga we go together.” No woman wants to be your friend or your cuddle buddy. She wants you to stay, she wants you to want her and she wants it to be okay if she falls in love with you. If she thinks she may get hurt she will settle for the friend thing and believe it or not she will still end up getting hurt anyway.
I know men, you like your female friendships. They feel safe and comfortable. Allow me to break it down to you the way a real women sees it. If we are having sex, we are in a relationship. If you are spending nights, we are in a relationship. If we are going out of town together, we are in a relationship. If you are paying for date after date, we are in a relationship. If we spend your birthday together, we are in a relationship. The question is; what kind of relationship are you in and who is going to end up hurt?
Playing it safe is cool but it is not real. At the end, someone gets hurt. If you don’t want to be in a relationship do not do relationship stuff. Yeah it feels good to have a friend but it is unrealistic? Women need to be honest with their male friends and men need to stop expecting that gray relationship. One step in the right direct and maybe we could stop hurting each other.
Getting what you want out of a relationship…Now That’s Presidential!
Also read: How to know if you are in a healthy relationship, if you are not a psychologist you are not qualified to date, would you mind buying me a drink