Are you affecting or infecting the people around you?
Monthly Archives: September 2011
If you really want the truth about your relationship ask an elder. Older people can give you the best advice about maintaining a healthy relationship. Whether they have had a healthy relationship or not they have a lifetime of experience so I like to listen to their advice.
Unhealthy, dysfunctional relationships can affect you physically, emotionally and mentally. They can be the difference between good and bad health, stress and peace, wealth or poverty. When you are in an unhealthy relationship it can bring you down in several ways. The trick to it all is, knowing whether you are the cause of the dysfunction. If you are the cause it is your duty to make the changes. If you are the receiver it is your duty to yourself to walk away or positively affect the other person. If you are equal it is time for you all to find some peace.
This test can help you determine the level of health not only in your romantic relationship but in all your relationships.
1. Can you be yourself? You should be able to be yourself at all times. You should not have to pretend or fake. The worst thing you could do for your relationship and your self-esteem is become someone else. In relationships if you change who you are for someone to like you, you will start to dislike yourself and resent the other person. When you can be yourself around your mate and your friends you can truly be happy. And you put yourself in a place to learn your strengths and weaknesses so that you can work on them.
2. Are you being yourself? Now this is a totally different question. The first one says CAN…meaning does the other person allow you to. This one says ARE…meaning are you brave enough to put your authentic self out there to be judged, liked or disliked. It is one thing for the person to allow you to be yourself, and another for you to feel secure enough in yourself to be authentic.
3. Do you all communicate effectively? (Understanding) This does not mean you will agree with each other all the time. It means that you will take the time to listen to each other and express your opinions. It means that you do not give your friend the silent treatment when they have wronged you or you do not expect your mate to read your mind. Tell them how you feel, listen to how they feel and act accordingly. In Prince’s song, “If I was your girlfriend” he says, “would you run to me if somebody hurt you, even if that somebody was me.” Most people do not read minds so express yourself.
4. Do you know the worst thing about each other and love despite of it? There is going to be something in every human being that is BAD. When you know the worst thing about your friend or mate and you love them through it you are in a healthy relationship. If you can not handle the BAD thing and you keep reminding them you are adding to the dysfunction. You will not let them be themselves and for that reason you should make a decision to give it up or leave. If you are not ok with who they truly are, or if they are not okay with who you truly are, you are not loving each other unconditionally. If you agree that that is acceptable then continue through it. But if you are expecting each other to change you may be setting yourself up for failure.
5. Have you had and gotten past a few big arguments? If you have not had a fight yet you do not know how things will turn our after you do. Do not induce an argument but when it happens (and it will happen) take it from there. How did you respond? How did the other person respond? How long did it take you all to get over it? Did you go to bed angry and who was willing to admit they were wrong? Try not to name call or say things that will hurt forever. When disagreements happen you get a chance to see how the other person makes decisions and you will know if you all or on the same page.
6. Are you giving your fair share and receiving it? (Reciprocity) All relationships should be give and take. You should be giving your fair share or more. You should also receive what you give out. If you find yourself giving more and receiving less check to see if you are being used. There is no reason why both parties should not be taking care of each other. In my idea of the perfect relationship I am so busy taking care of you that I am going to need you to take care of me. And we are both thankful and appreciative of each others efforts. I know that life is not “ideal” but if you try to come close to that you will find yourself in a healthy, happy relationship.
If you are not happy in your relationship chances are it is not healthy either. The first thing you have to do is figure out if it is you. The only person that you can control is yourself. If you find that you have been miserable and begging for company I challenge you to relax and love someone the way you want to be loved.
Emotional happiness…Now That’s Presidential!
A friend of mine said compromising is people pleasing. She believes that you have to have standards and stick to them. You have to stand your position and require that others live up to your convictions. If you compromise you are only doing it to please the other person and that isn’t fair because they should want to please you.
I disagreed based on the definition of compromising both parties give up something. Yes, in some ways it is people pleasing but when you are in a relationship (of any kind) you have to compromise. For instance I hate going shopping but I will do it with my best friend or with my sister because they love it so much. It is my belief that if you want to exist in this world (happily) then you need to find a way to meet people half way. There are some things that you will not compromise on and for those things I believe you should fight to the bloody end. On other things, compromise and even give up, if it means you get closer to your happiness.
Most of the things we decide to turn into a debate add little to no value to our lives. What is it about pleasing people that is so bad anyway? If you care about your friends don’t you want to please them? If you care about your mate don’t you want to please them? If you care about your family don’t you want to please them? If not, why? What is wrong with you that you are against happiness? Do you not realize that every blessing you block is a blessing you do not receive?
The definition of compromising is an agreement that is reached by each side making concessions.
So by definition the other party is pleasing you while you are pleasing them. Is it not enough that you all both gave up something? Do you have to have it exactly your way?
This is a big part of why people are having a hard time communicating. When you are unwilling to compromise you are telling the other person that what they want is not important to you. You are suggesting that your wants are more important than theirs. And you are also stating that you know what is best and that you are unwilling to change. Change should happen often and constant. You should learn from others and you should soften your brain and heart to someone else’s ideas.
If you listen to what another person has to say and you blend your experience with theirs you put yourself in a position to be happy and add to someone else’s happiness. Is there no pleasure in people pleasing? The next time you are faced with a decision to compromise try it. Give up something and watch the other person give a little as well. The guards will come down and your faith in people pleasing will be restored. Put your weapons down because there is no war. Peace is just a compromise away.
Meeting half way…Now That’s Presidential!
How important is your health to your lifestyle? Without good health, are you able to live the lifestyle you want? When setting your lifestyle goals you should set comparable health goals too. Do you feel that it is second nature or difficult to maintain good health? Can you think of a time when you felt healthy? What made you feel that way?
There are different levels and categories of health. You have physical health, mental health, emotional health and spiritual health. In some religions having a healthy body is an essential part of the relationship with the higher power because some believe that your body is a temple. For this reason you want to keep it clean and healthy so that you are edifying your creator. So if your spiritual health is suffering it may spill over into your emotional health.
Just the same your mental health can have physical effects. When you allow yourself to relax and enjoy a massage or a good book you are building your mental health. You also build your mental health when you stop gossiping about or degrading other people. When you push away toxic friends and exercise self control you build your emotional health. And of course eating right and exercising will aide in your physical health.
Mental health tip:
Get a massage at least once a month. It will help you release tension and it forces you to allow someone else to focus their time and energy on you. If money is an issue ask your mate. You all can trade and this could bring you closer. Or find a deal and use it as a reward to one of your accomplishments. Treat yourself but shop for sales and keep your eyes open for deals on all the discount websites. If money is not an issue add a facial or another service so you can really relieve stress, exhale and just relax.
Physical health tip:
Add one more fruit and vegetable servings to your everyday diet. Have fruit with breakfast. Grapefruit is a fat burner, t is cheap and it goes a long way. Needless to say it is one of my favorites. Make sure you have a vegetable with lunch and dinner. But remember you can drink your vegetables these days. Products like Boost and V8 make it easier for you to get your recommended daily allowance of fruit and vegetables. Caution be careful of the sugar and sodium in these kind of beverages.
Emotional health tip:
Erase, delete, cancel or remove toxic friends, family members and associates from your life. If there are people you cannot get rid of then limit your contact with them. By doing this you build your confidence and you give yourself power. You do not have to continue friendships with people that do not mean you any good. Feel free to delete them from your life so that you will have more space to love freely. You graduate from people just like you graduate from school. Do you plan on going back to high school? No, because you already learned the lessons you need to learn there. It is time to move on.
Spiritual health tip:
Live every day like it’s your last. Be happy for no reason. When you are sad feel it but ask your higher being to help you get out of it. There are always people watching so live to be an example for others. Ask for forgiveness, forgive yourself and others.
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Studies show that most heart attacks happen on Monday morning or near the patient’s birthday. This happens because stress, anxiety and tension are higher during these times. This mental health problem causes spasms of a coronary artery that leads to the heart attack.
IS MONDAY REALLY THAT BAD? If so, what can you do to make it better? Can you change jobs? Can you get a better assistant to make your life easier? Are there too many responsibilities on Monday morning? Can you delegate something? Can you make Monday a later start time? What can you do to make your Monday morning less stressful? WHAT WOULD MAKE YOU AS EXCITED ABOUT MONDAY AS YOU ARE FOR FRIDAY?
Think of some things you can do to lighten your burdens. Think of ways to help you relieve stress that do not include vacation. You cannot stop now, you have to keep going. Quitting is not an option of course, so what else? You have the power to make your life better you just have to use it. Nobody has the power to make you feel bad if you don’t give it to them. If you have given it away, take it back.
When you are doing your best and giving your all you deserve some autonomy. You are not asking for money right now. Unless, you believe that is what will make you feel better. My suggestion is that it may not be money you need. Sometime the money you need is wrapped up in the time you give to things that do not make you happy. If Monday morning is stressful for you change what you currently do on Monday. Do not complain about it because that just creates more negative energy. Think of how to change it.
Start out slowly. Take one Monday out of the month and start at 11am, take off, start earlier in the morning before other people get there or simply meditate before you go to work. There is an answer to your Monday Madness. These are just a few suggestions. Find the solution inside yourself and then find a way to communicate it to the people who will be affected by your change.
When you figure out the answer, relay the message confidently to the appropriate people. You are not begging or negotiating. You are stating your needs. Your spouse, your boss, your co-worker and whoever else it will affect will understand. In exchange make sure you are there for them when they need to relieve stress. Always do your best because then you have room to ask for what you want.
Little steps along the way will help you get to your perfect lifestyle. It’s easy to get there when you attack each problem one by one. Your perfect lifestyle is not far away. Keep finding solutions for your seeming difficulties and you will find yourself happy before you know it.
A peaceful Monday…Now That’s Presidential!
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Whether you are a millionaire, thousandaire or hundredaire chances are you want more money. It does not matter which place you are in at this particular time in your life because how you handle your money will determine where you end up in the future. Having more money and making good financial decisions is a step by step process that takes some dedication. It is very easy for the millionaire and the hundredaire to switch places. Just a few good or bad financial decisions and your life completely changes. Here are a few easy steps that can help you keep your caviar dreams and champagne wishes.
Set goals: Most people know they want to be wealthy but they have not set clear goals on how to get there. Meet with a Financial Advisor, write down your goals and stick to them. Making a commitment to yourself to control and manage your finances will help you get more and keep more of your money.
Get organized: If you are already a millionaire (or if you have been one) you know that keeping up with all your accounts, investments and financial papers can be difficult. Again, this is where a Financial Advisor, CPA, Business Manager or Personal Assistant can help. Put important papers in a fireproof box or safe. Have automatic withdrawals to your retirement, investment, savings and bill pay accounts.
Pay bills and have a realistic budget: Just because you make a million doesn’t mean you have to spend a million. Putting yourself on a budget is not for poor people. It is for wise people. Set some limits and show some restraint. Try spending 20-30 minutes a day reviewing your finances. Take one day a week to spend a few minutes more and pay bills. Do not wait to do this once a month. Once a week breaks up the pressure and keeps you on time. If you wait until once a month it will be overwhelming. Not to mention some of the bills will probably be late. Utilize online bill pay; it can be a life saver for a busy person.
Good spending habits and credit: Knowing when to make a purchase is the difference between good financial decisions and bad ones. Also knowing when to use other people’s money (credit) can help you stick to your goals as well. Before making a purchase ask yourself, “how does this affect my finances?” “Is there a better time to make this purchase?” If you decide to use credit, pay it off as soon as possible. Once you add in the interest you will pay it may not be such a great deal after all. Credit cards are not bad if you use them properly.
Have different account: There are times when I have suggested to clients to have as many as 6 bank accounts. Checking, Long-term savings, short-term savings, gift account, fun account and travel account. The checking account is for paying bills. The long-term savings is for purchases a year or more away like a down payment for new house. Short-term savings accounts are for purchases of less than a year like jewelry, electronics or a motorcycle. The gift account is for people who want to borrow, your tithes, your charities and donations. Do not give away more than you can afford but remember what you put out comes back to you. The fun account is your discretionary income. Have fun with it. The travel account is for people who travel often for work or business. It can also be used to save for a family trip. In the next few weeks I will elaborate on this whole topic. I will illustrate the reasons for breaking up your money into several different accounts.
Transfer risk: Make sure you always have the insurances you need. One catastrophic event can ruin you financially. When you transfer the risk by having car, home, life, health, umbrella and business insurance you protect your financial dreams.
Have multiple streams of income: Having multiple streams of income is like an insurance policy for your bank account. When one industry is down the other will be up. Have a mix of active, passive and business income to help you reach your financial goals and keep your millionaire status. Turn your hobby into income, start an internet business, invest in real estate or invest in someone else’s business.
By following these tips you will be able to save, accumulate, invest and profit 15-20% more money per year.
Remember living your Presidential Lifestyle is not about keeping up with the Joneses, impressing others or spending all the money you earn. It’s about creating your perfect lifestyle in the most enjoyable, time and cost-effective manner.
Having a Financial Advisor…Now That’s Presidential!
I don’t care how many times I have heard it said I will NEVER believe that money is the root of all evil. Sure it makes people do evil things sometimes and the lack of money brings more chaos, but it is not the root of all evil. In fact, money can buy 99% of all the things you need to be happy. At this particular time in our life it seems that credit cards have become the new root to all evil.
I don’t care what equation, algorithm or method of computing you use your credit card limits do not equate to money. It is not a bank account. If you do not have savings and other assets the minute you start charging you are in the red.
Credit cards themselves are not bad, nor is having credit cards. Using credit cards is not that bad either. It’s the credit card abuse that makes life hard. How you use your credit is what makes the biggest difference between a stressful financial situation and a peaceful one. Believe it or not credit cards are the fastest way to build up your credit. Whether you use them or not they report every month. If you have a credit card with a $10,000 limit and you do not use it, it will still report paid never late which helps your credit score. It also puts a bigger gap between your credit utilization ratio. That is, the amount of debt available to you verses the amount you are utilizing. The minute you start using it you risk your score going down. When the balance is at 50% it is considered maxed out.
Wealthy people do not max their credit cards out because they realize they will end up paying more in interest unless the interest is at 0%. Credit cards are loans. Loans are liabilities. I am not saying this to be insulting. I am simply reminding you because it seems that the citizens of the United States have become so dependent on survival by credit.
I know credit is needed that’s why I preach for everyone to take care of their credit score. And I also know that in case of emergencies and especially in business it is wise to use other people’s money to get ahead. Just be smart about it. Don’t get in the bad habit of using credit because you want to do something you cannot afford to pay cash for. When you charge dinners, travel, shopping and frivolous items on your credit card, unless you can pay them off ASAP, you are wasting money. If you do that, make sure you add in the interest you are going to pay when you are calculating the cost.
Most wealthy people use credit cards to build up points so that they can use the rewards later. Remember I said credit cards are not bad. They do have some benefits. Use them properly and they can come in handy. They serve a purpose. Follow the rules of credit and it will all work out.
“Using other people’s money (at the right time)….Now that’s Presidential.”