You can be right or you can be happy #behappy

Ask any man and he will tell you that he doesn’t want a woman that agrees with him all the time. Most men want a woman with a brain and some ideas of her own. A man is comfortable with a woman who can argue her point but no man wants a woman who argues just for the sake of arguing. While working in the barbershop the number one complaint I heard from men about women was that women never know when to shut up. Even when they are wrong they just keep arguing and nagging. Men do not like to listen to women talk very much so they especially don’t want to hear us nag.

Women if you are right I know it is hard to keep quiet but I assure you if you do it things will work in your favor. The issue will reveal itself and whether or not someone says I told you so should not matter because deep down inside everyone knows who is right. I am not telling you to be a push over or to take anybodies crap. And I know your strategy might be to keep nagging because he will do it just to shut you up. But that will only last for so long and in the long term he will lose respect for you.

Men are competitive so it works in their favor if you put up a little bit of a fight. That way they can prove their point, change your mind and win. The reason they want you to disagree is so they can get you to agree. They really like to win. Of course all of this is subconscious and even some of the men reading this right now won’t be willing to admit it or won’t have any idea what I am talking about.

The bottom line for both men and women is that you can be right or you can be happy. Choosing your battles is a smart move. Thinking you are right all the time is foolish. Nobody is right all the time. NOT EVEN ME! LOL! Even on the days that you are 100% correct it may be worth the peace of mind to just be quiet and let the wrong person learn their lesson.

I learned this from my mother. She is the most patient person I know. She is very calm and she knows how to choose her battles. I have a saying that I use to describe her and it is, she will never beat you but she will always win. This happens because she uses poise and finesse to get what she wants. Even with me, my sister and brother she did not always have to be right nor did she force us to do things. She made us think it was our idea. And although she was usually right she would let us discover that for ourselves.

You can use this in all your relationships and life situations. You will find that it helps you communicate better, negotiate better and feel better. It cuts down on stress and makes an otherwise tense situation more peaceful. Whether you use it at work, with your children, your significant other or with your friends it can be a valuable way to keep the peace and communicate more effectively.

Knowing when to be quiet…Now That’s Presidential

Hurt people, hurt people….without even trying

When you are hurt it shows.

When your guards are up and you are protecting yourself it is very easy to reflect your past hurt on anyone who comes into your path. The more hurt you are the more likely you are to hurt others. So the saying goes, “hurt people, hurt people”. They don’t always mean to, it is usually just a defense to stay safe.

This conversation came up at a lunch meeting the other day. As we discussed Tiger and The Masters the conversation switched to why men cheat, especial when they have a pretty wife. The answers where, because they got their heart-broken years ago and vowed to never let anyone that close again. A variation of that was that they won’t allow a woman to get close enough to satisfy them so they are always unsatisfied. Yet another idea was that men who cheat are just being selfish and haven’t met the right woman who makes them want to think twice about their actions.

My summary of the whole conversation was that men and women cheat for some of the same reasons. They are searching the world over looking for someone who loves them the way they need to be loved. They usually settle for what was available at the time, which was not enough, so they continue to fill voids. Usually the voids are deep-rooted and they are not getting far enough down to the route of the problem. For example when people are searching for love but substitute it with sex they go from sex partner to sex partner but never feel complete. It’s like taking a cough drop for a headache. No matter how many cough drops you take it’s not going to make the headache go away. In fact, it could make it worse. The same is true for sex and love. No matter how much sex you have it will never replace love. The same is also true that love can not replace sex either. There is a nature need for sex so you should be with some who loves you and who you share a common attraction with.

The two are separate and whenever they get mixed up it upsets the balance. Be clear about why you love someone. Also be clear about who you are having sex with and why.  Most people are led by their voids and their past experiences. Do not let your past experience and your lustful nature leed you. I learned that most of us have been hurt in the past. Whether it was by a parent, family member, spouse, teacher, neighbor or any number of people in our lives. Most of us have been scarred or wounded in some way.

Of the wounded there are two kinds of people. Those who want to heal their wounds and those who don’t. The people who want to heal apply medicine and they leave the bandages off so that others can see the wound clearly and can choose to help them. The other type doesn’t like the sting of medicine and they wear bandages to cover their scars so that others can not see how scarred they are. These people rip the bandages off and re-open the wound every chance they get. They holler, complain and scream and then they go back to doing the same thing, over and over again.

The most productive thing to do is to stop hurting people. Take your time and find someone who can help you stitch up your wounds and close them up for good. Communicate with your loved ones so that we can stop hurting each other. Be fair, be loving, begin to heal.

Find someone who loves you like crazy and love them the same way back. In that order!

The theme music for this post is Heart Break Warfare – John Mayer

April Fools is the new, New Year….I’m serious!

check out http://www.annsgardensite.blogspot.com

 Usually by now we have abandon our New Year’s resolutions and gone back into our bad habits. We may not have even noticed but subconsciously we revert back to where we are comfortable. You have to get out of your comfort zone and stay out long enough to change your habit. What can you do to spring back into your goals? Let the energy of spring energize you. Reflect on the flowers, grass and plants growing.  Let it convince you to grow mentally and physically.

There may be a new job you were pursuing or a new product you were thinking of bringing into your business. Maybe your relationship is getting stale and you need to breath new life into it. Don’t wait for next year to set new resolutions, do it right now. Spring can be the beginning of your growth calendar year.

April is a good time to get rid of old stuff, rearranging your house and your life. Move things around, throw things away, graduate from old relationships and grow mentally so that you can see yourself in a better light. Let that extra hour you received for day light savings shed some light on what you need to change or adjust.

Why did you revert to your old habit? What makes that old life so comfortable? What would make it uncomfortable? These questions are not rhetorical. I really want you to answer them. Especially the last one. It is important that you know this because I want you to try it now. A new month starts today and you can start the new you all over again.

Did you understand that making yourself uncomfortable will help you get out of your comfort zone. Have you figured out how to push yourself out of that big chair, those yoga pants, that sleep number bed, the beginners class.  Whatever it is you have to do it today. You did it before you can do it again this time you just have to stick with it. I know you can do it.

Shake hands with yourself. Re-read your commitment letter. And I want you to write a letter to yourself and ask yourself to help you complete your goals. Make a list of things you need to do to get closer to your goal. Set an alarm clock every few weeks that will awaken the commitment inside of you. You want it bad. I know you do. Get out of your comfort zone and into your brand new amazing life.

Let the sun shine in....

There is a winner, loser, quitter and fighter inside of all of us. Tell the fighter and the winner to beat down the losing quitter. When you do it you won’t ever quit again. Open up your mental curtains and let the sun shine in. And while you are at it water the flowers growing inside of you. You will be glad you did.

Email me your goals and I will help you stay committed.

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PRAYING FOR THE STRENGHT TO BE WEAK. I k

PRAYING FOR THE STRENGTH TO BE WEAK. I know I will feel empowered if I DO IT. Don’t know why I feel I have to be strong all the time.

It’s so hard for me to be weak and trust someone else to take care of things or take care of me. I feel like if I let myself be weak I may never be strong again. This month I may have to try it.

Many emotions going through my mind and heart. I need someone to tell me it is all going to be ok. Even though I know this I want to hear someone say it. Just one time! 

I know that I will be strong again and that I am allowed to be weak. I know that I am allowed to be human. I like being a super hero. It is fun. But I guess even super heroes need a day off every now and then.

(You may also want to read, Learning to Linger)

Soon I will let go and I will be weak. It may even be today. I know when I do it I will be stronger and someone will come to rescue me and help me care my load. Exhale on the excursion.