Is compromising people pleasing?

A friend of mine said compromising is people pleasing. She believes that you have to have standards and stick to them. You have to stand your position and require that others live up to your convictions. If you compromise you are only doing it to please the other person and that isn’t fair because they should want to please you.

I disagreed based on the definition of compromising both parties give up something. Yes, in some ways it is people pleasing but when you are in a relationship (of any kind) you have to compromise. For instance I hate going shopping but I will do it with my best friend or with my sister because they love it so much. It is my belief that if you want to exist in this world (happily) then you need to find a way to meet people half way. There are some things that you will not compromise on and for those things I believe you should fight to the bloody end. On other things, compromise and even give up, if it means you get closer to your happiness.

Most of the things we decide to turn into a debate add little to no value to our lives. What is it about pleasing people that is so bad anyway? If you care about your friends don’t you want to please them? If you care about your mate don’t you want to please them? If you care about your family don’t you want to please them? If not, why? What is wrong with you that you are against happiness? Do you not realize that every blessing you block is a blessing you do not receive?

The definition of compromising is an agreement that is reached by each side making concessions.
So by definition the other party is pleasing you while you are pleasing them. Is it not enough that you all both gave up something? Do you have to have it exactly your way?

This is a big part of why people are having a hard time communicating. When you are unwilling to compromise you are telling the other person that what they want is not important to you. You are suggesting that your wants are more important than theirs. And you are also stating that you know what is best and that you are unwilling to change. Change should happen often and constant. You should learn from others and you should soften your brain and heart to someone else’s ideas.

If you listen to what another person has to say and you blend your experience with theirs you put yourself in a position to be happy and add to someone else’s happiness. Is there no pleasure in people pleasing? The next time you are faced with a decision to compromise try it. Give up something and watch the other person give a little as well. The guards will come down and your faith in people pleasing will be restored. Put your weapons down because there is no war. Peace is just a compromise away.

Meeting half way…Now That’s Presidential!


About Kiné Corder

Kine' Corder is a best selling author, speaker, and member of the Financial Therapy Association. Formerly a Morgan Stanley Financial Advisor and currently a Financial Therapist Kiné runs Presidential Lifestyle, a financial wellness company focused on wealth in all of it's forms. View all posts by Kiné Corder

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