Hurt people, hurt people….without even trying

When you are hurt it shows.

When your guards are up and you are protecting yourself it is very easy to reflect your past hurt on anyone who comes into your path. The more hurt you are the more likely you are to hurt others. So the saying goes, “hurt people, hurt people”. They don’t always mean to, it is usually just a defense to stay safe.

This conversation came up at a lunch meeting the other day. As we discussed Tiger and The Masters the conversation switched to why men cheat, especial when they have a pretty wife. The answers where, because they got their heart-broken years ago and vowed to never let anyone that close again. A variation of that was that they won’t allow a woman to get close enough to satisfy them so they are always unsatisfied. Yet another idea was that men who cheat are just being selfish and haven’t met the right woman who makes them want to think twice about their actions.

My summary of the whole conversation was that men and women cheat for some of the same reasons. They are searching the world over looking for someone who loves them the way they need to be loved. They usually settle for what was available at the time, which was not enough, so they continue to fill voids. Usually the voids are deep-rooted and they are not getting far enough down to the route of the problem. For example when people are searching for love but substitute it with sex they go from sex partner to sex partner but never feel complete. It’s like taking a cough drop for a headache. No matter how many cough drops you take it’s not going to make the headache go away. In fact, it could make it worse. The same is true for sex and love. No matter how much sex you have it will never replace love. The same is also true that love can not replace sex either. There is a nature need for sex so you should be with some who loves you and who you share a common attraction with.

The two are separate and whenever they get mixed up it upsets the balance. Be clear about why you love someone. Also be clear about who you are having sex with and why.  Most people are led by their voids and their past experiences. Do not let your past experience and your lustful nature leed you. I learned that most of us have been hurt in the past. Whether it was by a parent, family member, spouse, teacher, neighbor or any number of people in our lives. Most of us have been scarred or wounded in some way.

Of the wounded there are two kinds of people. Those who want to heal their wounds and those who don’t. The people who want to heal apply medicine and they leave the bandages off so that others can see the wound clearly and can choose to help them. The other type doesn’t like the sting of medicine and they wear bandages to cover their scars so that others can not see how scarred they are. These people rip the bandages off and re-open the wound every chance they get. They holler, complain and scream and then they go back to doing the same thing, over and over again.

The most productive thing to do is to stop hurting people. Take your time and find someone who can help you stitch up your wounds and close them up for good. Communicate with your loved ones so that we can stop hurting each other. Be fair, be loving, begin to heal.

Find someone who loves you like crazy and love them the same way back. In that order!

The theme music for this post is Heart Break Warfare – John Mayer


About Kiné Corder

Kine' Corder is a best selling author, speaker, and member of the Financial Therapy Association. Formerly a Morgan Stanley Financial Advisor and currently a Financial Therapist Kiné runs Presidential Lifestyle, a financial wellness company focused on wealth in all of it's forms. View all posts by Kiné Corder

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